October 17, 2009.
Mile 10,025. Ashley Lake, Kalispell, MT.
I passed the 10,000 mile mark on this trip without noticing.

Montana is beautiful
I am in a bookstore when the cheerleaders call. They are at homecoming. They pass the phone around. They give me the play by play of the game and of the current squad. I occasionally have to take the phone away from my ear because of the cheering. My heart fills and overflows just a bit. I miss them. I want to be at homecoming, wearing my blue and white, and cheering for my beloved lions.
I do not know what to do.
A couple weeks ago, I was talking a fellow (in Montana). He was from Hawai’i originally, but moved to Montana because he loved it so much. He understood the traveling, the seeking. He had given me this advice, “if you ever don’t know what to do, take off your shoes and stand in the dirt.”
The sun had gone down. The road was unpaved and slick with mud. I pulled the car over, cut the engine, stared at the sky. I pulled off my boots, then my socks. I rolled up my jeans. I opened the door. I stepped out onto the cold mud. I shut the door. I stared at the sky, then closed my eyes.
I felt better.
I still didn’t know what to do.
I got back in the car and kept driving. Ahead of me, there were flashing lights across the road. An accident. I hurriedly pulled on my boots, grabbed some gloves, and went to see if I could be of assistance. It is at least 40 miles to a town big enough to have a hospital.
I approach the group standing around, ask if I can help. J lost traction on the mud, tires slipped over the bank, then his truck crashed into trees. The helicopter has come and gone (standard procedure, apparently, when the population is this sparse). His friends have just finished pulling his truck out of the woods and got it on a flat bed. Looking at the wreck, I am impressed he survived.
We chat. They compliment my boots. I am introduced. I am hugged. I am the only person not to grow up around Ashley Lake. They welcome me. Everyone stands over 6 ft tall. T sings a Maria song to me. This group of 20-somethings invites me back to the house with them. It is now after midnight. I accept.
The farm-house is 200 years old. The coffee is fresh. There are loaded rifles propped against the door, loaded pistol on a shelf with car keys. Dogs underfoot, the remains of dinner (lasagna) still on the table. The boys wrestle like the boys in my family wrestle. Everyone is blowing off steam and stress. No one thinks it’s strange for a girl from New York to have suddenly shown up in the middle of the night. I don’t even think it’s strange. I feel oddly at home, as if in the childhood home of an old friend.
I learn that most of the cousins are lumberjacks (this is a sprawling, quite extended family). Girls too. And they ranch as well. Someone (unrelated) whispers how many head of cattle and acres of woodland they have. [This is juicy gossip--for they are telling me exactly how large the family fortune is.]
One of the girls offers me a puppy. I have been lonely for days. I am in the midst of family, not my family, but a family. There is a puppy I can have if I only say yes. It is 1:30 in the morning. I have a personal rule that I don’t make decisions after dark. I turn down the puppy. (In retrospect, I might have taken it. It would be nice to have a dog.)
We go to the hospital. I climb up in their truck. I am the only one to wear a seat belt. I stay in the waiting room. M comes back first. I stroke his hair. T arrives. We all talk gently. When we leave, someone throws his arm over my shoulders as we walk. I wrap my arm around his waist. The familiarity is sudden, but not unwelcome.
It is closer to morning now. They offer me a bed and breakfast in the morning. I decline. They clarify: a bed to myself, in their parents’ home, nothing that even suggests a less than honorable arrangement. I still decline.
I wake up the next morning next to Ashley Lake. It is as beautiful and clearly blue as the boys told me it would be.

Sunrise over Ashley Lake

Coastline from my campsite.
This is the lake they love. They would never leave. As I once again put the car in gear, I envy that feeling.